"I don't know what you're doing... but keep doing it." The perfectly made up and coiffed dental technician said as she rose from her hunched position after inspecting the amount of plaque on my teeth. Should I tell her that I started smoking since my last visit and that is the reason for the decreased bacteria in my oral cavity? No, could lead to a whole conversation about all the reasons behind it. Best let well enough alone and be satisfied with her pleasure and the extremely marginal positive effects of the horrible habit.
I am a single mom turning 50 next year, which coincides with my youngest going off to college and what I am attempting to time as semi-retirement. Like everyone, I have been fortunate in many ways in my life, unfortunate in others. I am in a time of transition, or preparation for something new. What lacks in terms of grounding, allows my adventurous spirit to dream of great pursuits that have long been put off. I could be full force into launch mode, yet here I am, smoking at age 50, well 49.
A big fan of Joe Campbell's, comparative mythology and the bigger picture wherever I can lay my hands on it, I think about the Hindu Ashram system that describes the three phases of our lives: the student from age 0-24, the producer from age 25-49, the advisor from age 50-75, and how I would like to follow through on that schedule. Of course, there are challenges, mostly cultural, to living it out. Fortunately, thanks to my background, beliefs and personality I have managed to maintain relative independence from the external forces in our society that attempt to usurp every bit of self-construct we might pursue for ourselves.
So the purpose of this blog is to help create space in this time of preparation for my thoughts and reflections as I slowly withdraw from the very high demand, time crunched, multi-tasking elements of my life, to get to the great and unconventional place I have planned in my mind's eye.
There are potential challenges that lie in the way. Though I am relatively fit, there are physical considerations that could limit my plans in certain respects. My youngest could get derailed in his senior year and not be able to fulfill our hopes of his going off to college. I could settle in with the man of my dreams which would be worth altering my plans for. We could experience a war, hurricane or epidemic.
All these potentials aside, I remain hopeful that life will continue to prevail as it always has in spite of the unexpected. I am really excited, a little nervous, and looking forward with the same enthusiasm and definitely more wisdom than I had when I went unknowingly through the prior transition into very deep waters. Let's hear it for greater awareness and learning how to swim.
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